John, John, Andrew, Woody, David, and Mary
Thanks everyone for reading and commenting. Still no revisions -- this one may have to sit for a while before I change things -- but all your points are useful.
I'll give some thought to opening out the ending. I do think it's ambiguous as to whether the waiting blossoms (upbeat ending) or the blossoms are waiting (downbeat/circular ending), but it's certainly very tidy, in that with all the various strands are woven together. Maybe that would benefit from being loosened.
With "on blight", I just mean: "on the subject of blight". Originally I was responding to another poem which wrote of blight. That essentially want I want to say: on the subject of blight, this is what's happening to me, this my experience of blight -- the fox-like frost and its impact on the blossom. Out of context I'd agree it's a bit blunt and it's useful to know that it doesn't make sense to you. Maybe "regarding blight:" would make for a better opening? Or even "And blight?"
On the close: if I change last word to "the waiting blossom" I'd lose the reading that waiting eventually blossoms -- the hopeful reading of the close.BANNED POST
Thanks for coming back and elaborating. My intention here isn't coming across, which is useful to know. Yes, we don't (always) choose when we die (physically, spiritually or otherwise), but we do vary in our attitudes toward it. I imagine that the fattened horses being led to abattoir pull back once they know what is happening -- that they are averse to death, as are most living creatures. The blossom, at least according to the poem, launches itself onto the wind, embraces its end -- or at least, according to the poem, it is less reluctant to die than the horses.
I can see this line would likely benefit from being changed. As Sarah has pointed out, it's also open to being misread insofar as there's as sense in which horses do enjoy launching themselves onto the wind. But though I've tried, I've not yet come up with something better. I've not given up yet though.
I did contemplate posting this Met as heterometric; the poem is almost entirely iambic. Thanks for the suggestion of an alternative to "gung ho". There may perhaps be something odd about a Chinese loan-word in a poem with a Japanese word. I hadn't really thought about it's etymology when I wrote the poem.
See my reply to John I on the intention behind "on blight". Useful to know that it also wasn't clear to you. It would be very hard to lose "sakura" from the poem and still have it be the same poem. I guess people differ in the extent to which they'll google a word they don't know, and fair enough. Maybe I'll lose some readers that way, but I can't see a way around that.
Thank-you! There's no much else to say to a critique like that