Thread: Letter
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Unread 06-08-2021, 12:30 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 5,427

Hi Matt,

I'll comment before reading the thread, for the sake of first impressions.

To my ear, this poem repeatedly rings true, which is a quality I encounter less often than I'd like. It has the music, the vocabulary and syntax of poetry. That's the main thing really. For instance, the boldness of "is come morning / vanished," or the elegance of "You know, I ate sakura once." Reading is constantly rewarded - it challenges, neither too hard nor too easy, as they say the mind delights in. Nice to write stuff this good.

Beyond that, I have the usual handful of suggestions. I can't fathom the first two words. I might put a period after "sakura once" and do something else to open the next tercet. I'm unconvinced by "reluctant" - horses shy, maybe that would offer something useful. This I think could be better formulated: "That was the taste of it, / as I recall: the taste of pulling back." Maybe "waiting's" instead of waiting is? The clause feels a bit flaccid to me. And finally, would you consider blossom in the singular to end? It is ambiguous, and I think it works.

So: lovely stuff. Thanks for the treat,
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