Thread: Letter
View Single Post
  #1  
Unread 06-01-2021, 05:58 AM
Matt Q Matt Q is online now
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 4,082
Default Letter

Postscript (R1)

And blight? Each night some stalwart frost
steals fox-like in, and is come morning
vanished – no trace, bar blossoms

trailed like chicken blood up to the hedge.
So much for spring and all its ragtime
song and dance. You know, I ate sakura once

and found it to my liking. The flesh of horses,
like all flesh, is transient as any blossom,
yet less inclined to launch itself gung-ho

onto the wind. That was the taste of it,
as I recall: the taste of pulling back.
Of all the gifts, waiting is most often given,

at least to me. I plant each ribboned box
in fields where fattened horses pace. In time,
a fox arrives. In time, the waiting blossoms.

----------------------------

New title.

S1L1 "And blight?" replaces "On blight"

S2L3 "more reluctant" becomes "less inclined" largely because it's more iambic, plus the alliteration.

S2L3 - S3L1 Now enjambing on "gung-ho" instread of "itself"

S4L4, from "waiting is one too often given" to "waiting is most often given".





Epistle

On blight: each night some stalwart frost
steals fox-like in, and is come morning
vanished – no trace, bar blossoms

trailed like chicken blood up to the hedge.
So much for spring and all its ragtime
song and dance. You know, I ate sakura once

and found it to my liking. The flesh of horses,
like all flesh, is transient as any blossom,
yet more reluctant to launch itself

gung-ho onto the wind. That was the taste of it,
as I recall: the taste of pulling back.
Of all the gifts, waiting is one too often given,

at least to me. I plant each ribboned box
in fields where fattened horses pace. In time,
a fox arrives. In time, the waiting blossoms.


--------------------
S3L1 semicolon becomes a full-stop

.

Last edited by Matt Q; 06-14-2021 at 07:30 AM.
Reply With Quote