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  #11  
Unread 11-11-2020, 01:06 PM
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Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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Ah, so you didn't mean "Covid-slow" in quite the way I saw it... but I think it's a good phrase nonetheless for also describing a place (or a person) not observing the rules.

Yes... I get ''warp'' now. Thanks Aaron.

Jayne
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  #12  
Unread 11-11-2020, 01:25 PM
Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron Poochigian View Post
"Covid-slow" is an idiom I have heard around town--business can be "slow" or it can be "Covid-slow."
Copy that.

Last edited by Allen Tice; 11-11-2020 at 09:21 PM.
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  #13  
Unread 11-15-2020, 12:03 PM
Bill Marsh Bill Marsh is offline
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The travel to the past starts out as musical nostalgia, but from the second stanza on, there is no music or experienced past, but the just historical past. Also, I wasn't clear where Eldorado comes in or why the poet gets near it. The sonnet is a compressed form and so jumps are OK as is asking the reader to make connections, so don't know what to make of it, but after three readings I am concerned the piece is too loose.
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  #14  
Unread 11-15-2020, 01:48 PM
Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
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Bill and Aaron, in this case I can relate somehow to many of his references and am not troubled much by those that slide by. Iíve read it a vague number of times and might read it more. This is in one of Aaron Poochigianís signature styles. Are there particular historical areas that trouble you? Why not ask him. He will speak for himself.
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  #15  
Unread 11-16-2020, 05:49 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Hello, Bill and Allen,

yes, I regard the "leap" as a hallmark of exciting rather than predictable poetry.

It was Cortez who was looking for El Dorado (he didn't find it).

Best,

Aaron
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  #16  
Unread 11-20-2020, 06:37 PM
Bill Carpenter Bill Carpenter is offline
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Great beginning. I don't find the race through highlights of American history persuasive.

Last edited by Bill Carpenter; 11-20-2020 at 08:45 PM.
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  #17  
Unread 11-22-2020, 07:21 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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That's ok, Bill. Thanks.
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  #18  
Unread 01-05-2021, 11:25 AM
Lawrence Rhu Lawrence Rhu is offline
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V. 2 is a home run, a transcendental line, I’d say, initially grounding the stories we tell ourselves and our reflections about them in Lucky’s Tavern, where the jukebox becomes the field of dreams we round the bases on. Sandra Beasley calls one of her books, I Was the Juke Box, a cool way for a lyric poet to describe her poems and their relation to herself. “[Warping] on” finely identifies how “[ranging] at random” is likely to affect any sense of cause and effect or consequences. So, perhaps the only way one could achieve intelligibility, if not accountability, is via “myth,” not as a plot or a sequence of events, but as a fantasy or subjective creation that doesn’t sharply indicate where the self ends and the world begins once you establish the scene. It is a serious fantasy as it represents an effort to make sense of the American world as the speaker finds it, however overwhelming that challenge may be. And the speaker emphatically acknowledges his membership and participation in that world. It is also a successful fantasy inasmuch as the poem itself is a well-constructed account of the best case for the sort of voice an Americologist might develop in Lucky’s. As the “sacred horrors” begin to appear in the second stanza, the question arises in me: Just how much violence can we ritualize away, even when the ceremony takes place in the tavern rather than in church? I cannot help thinking of other poems, such as Auden’s “September 1, 1939,” where “Faces along the bar / Cling to their average day / The lights must never go out, / The music must always play.” And, especially on a day like today, though I’m hoping for the best, this stanza stands out: “Exiled Thucydides knew / All that a speech can say / About Democracy, / And what dictators do, / The elderly rubbish they talk / To an apathetic grave; / Analysed all in his book, / The enlightenment driven away, / The habit-forming pain, / Mismanagement and grief: / We must suffer them all again.”

Last edited by Lawrence Rhu; 01-05-2021 at 11:28 AM. Reason: mispelling
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  #19  
Unread 01-06-2021, 12:38 PM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Thank you very much, Lawrence, for your detailed critique. I am glad you find the poem's saloon mythopoesis convincing.

Thank you, also, for quoting Auden.

Best, best,

Aaron
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  #20  
Unread 01-08-2021, 08:49 PM
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S.R. Little Stone S.R. Little Stone is offline
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Hi Aaron,

I thoroughly enjoyed this sonnet. I find the voice and dream sequence (with the jukebox as a time machine) very appealing. I especially like how you've balanced out the gravity of our "sacred horrors" with the levity of some secular humors.

I want to echo what a few other commenters have said -- that I wanted music to remain as the stepping stones that take us back in time. I think you could accomplish this even while going back to unrecorded music. Bull Run could be replaced with Stephen Foster (the father of "pop" music, who wrote Beautiful Dreamer and Camptown Races, among many other canonical American songs). Foster is an interesting character in terms of history and culture, as many of his songs were used in minstrel shows, but were written with an apparent sympathy towards the people who were typically mocked in those shows ("Nelly Was a Lady" is a good example of this).

There are also a lot of cool field recordings of traditional american folk songs, many of which were carried over from Britain and can be found in the Child Ballads collection. I think Sioux and Mandan would still fit in from there, as they obviously had their own songs and dances. (There are some pretty amazing old recordings and videos of native american songs and dances on youtube.)

Whether or not you decide to rework S2, I think this is a really awesome sonnet. In my opinion, you nailed the couplet.

Thanks for sharing!
Little Stone
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