Thanks, Jim. I enjoy writing them and am slowly accumulating what I hope will be a novella made of 100-word story/poems. The only way I can do it is to get out of the way and let a narrative emerge. I've written several more since posting these. I would post more but the fiction board here gets so little attention it isn't worth the effort.
I like what you've done in your example. Maybe having a little story, narrative is helpful to you as well. I don't know if you're a jazz listener and know that the old-time greats would talk about a great solo told a little story. Like that. You may want to consider doing more.
One central thing to them is there is no room for long sentences the explain actions or motives, etc. Such as your first sentence. Everything in that sentence needs to be made into an image of some sort. Consider doing the entire thing as an action. One suggestion is to start with the end. The opening sentence could be "There was (is?) no danger." Then the pill is dropped and make, don't tell, what happens.
You probably weren't looking for critique. Couldn't stop myself. I do think, and hope, it's helpful.